I don’t know about you, but I’ve attended one too may family reunions and been to one too many weddings where I end up in a one-sided conversation.

You know what I’m talking about…you and the person you’re talking to have a nice long conversation about, well, them. Which, in and of itself, would be fine (and even quite enjoyable) if there was a little reciprocity. With some people, there’s just never any, “so, that’s what I’m up to, how about yourself?” It’s as if they have no idea that there’s someone on the opposite end of their nose.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do have a tendency to ask questions. But it’s not as if I’m abnormally inquisitive, it’s just that when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while, someone that maybe I was once close to or a relative that I only connect with once a year (or less), I’m curious as to what they’re up to and how it’s going.

Is that so wrong?

I don’t think so. In fact, I find it strange that you can see someone after a period of time and not inquire as to what’s new.

So why is it that so many people can’t see past the end of their nose? Do they worry that by asking questions they’ll appear nosy? Do they assume I’m gonna tell them anyway (because I’m chatty)? Are their lives too full to be bothered with something, or someone, less important? Are they shy?

Whatever it is, my reaction has been to to stop showing interest in some people…which is kind of sad and TOTALLY against my nature. Because I AM interested in their new job, or the new town they moved to, or how their child is doing in school. But I figure if they’re not interested in me, why should I expend the energy to show interest in them.

But showing a sincere interest in others is a character trait we SHOULD value, and can even benefit from. Dale Carnegie, an American writer and lecturer and author of the popular book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, once said, “You will win more friends and accomplish more in the next two months, developing a sincere interest in two people than you will ever accomplish in the next two years, desperately trying to get two people interested in you.”

In addition to that, it makes people feel good.

So, the rule here is: Cool Broads are genuinely interested in others.

It’s not as if I’m perfect (I know, you must be shocked). Years ago, I remember my mother telling me that when I left for college, my little sister kept the light on in my bedroom at home for a few weeks afterward. Thinking about that now breaks my heart, because when I left home, she wasn’t even a blip on my radar. I was so paralyzed with fear about living on my own, I didn’t have time (or so I thought) to consider how her life had changed (and it had).

But years and experience have made me wiser (disclaimer: I’m still not perfect) and I aspire to be generous even when I have a full plate or I find myself in the middle of a big fat crap sandwich. But I’ll tell you what…I’m never more impressed than when a young person (pre-teen or teenager) shows a genuine interest in someone else, especially someone who’s not their age, because we all know how many things are competing for their attention.

Here’s a good example:

My family recently went out to dinner with my sister’s sister-in-law and her family. We don’t know them very well but they were in town so we hooked up.

Her three kids are between the ages of 10 and 15, not typically the age that’s quick to engage in conversation with adults that they don’t really know and therefore probably don’t have a lot of interest in. But after asking them some perfunctory questions (e.g., what grade are you in, how to do you like school, what does your father say when you wear that belly shirt), I turned to my menu, exhaled, and said to myself, “Ahhhh….what am I going to order?”

“Do you like seafood?”

I looked up to see who was talking, thinking the waiter overheard my statement or that I, in fact, was beginning to have one of those personal conversations with God that I keep hearing about, but low and behold it was one of the kids.

“Um, sort of. Do you?” I asked.

“I like chicken. I wonder if they have chicken parmesan.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so taken with a question by a pre-teen to an old Cool Broad about fish vs. chicken, but I was, because in my experience it’s not the norm.

And I found myself wondering what her parents have done to raise their kids to be interested in others (and thus, interesting). Because if there’s anything I’d like to do well as a parent, it would be that, as well as instill in my kids the confidence and character to engage others (no matter what their age) in conversation.

Do any of you have any parenting strategies you’d like to share? How about tips or tricks you use to show interest in others.

Check back for my follow-up post with tried and true ways to develop and show your interest in things other than what’s on THIS side of your blowhole (I’m also looking for other ways to say “nose”).

~tcb

We’re not done yet! Click here to get notified every time a new
Cool Broad RULE is posted.