Is it just me, or does anybody else feel like they stick out like a sore thumb when browsing the racks at Saks Fifth Avenue? It’s almost as if an invisible sensor at the door alerts the entire planet that some poor schmuck from the wrong side of the mall has accidentally wandered into a store that she clearly doesn’t belong in.

It’s not that anybody else makes me feel like a loser, I self-impose that lack of worthiness all by myself. And with that lowered self-esteem comes a heightened sensitivity, so every side-glance I get feels like a knowing look (i.e. they know I should be shopping at Macy’s instead).

I know, I know…my shrink and I need to tackle those nasty self-esteem issues. But until then, I’ve developed a few strategies to diminish the size of the big “L” that I’m pretty sure is planted up there on my forehead whenever I muster up enough confidence to shop at Saks:

• Always check your clothes before entering Saks for stains, pet hair, applesauce, spit up. Click here for some great on-the-go stain removal tips.
• Apparently, it’s not likely that a price tag has a typo, so don’t ask the salesclerk if the decimal is misplaced (i.e., I mean, this hoodie should be $30, right?).
• Always act like you’ve got lots of experience fondling $2000 handbags. For instance, don’t poke it with your finger like you’re trying to determine if it’s alive after it accidentally flew into your sliding glass door and landed on the counter at Saks.
• Don’t go to every make-up counter and ask for free samples. (I had to learn this one the hard way).
• If you happen to accidentally wander into the uber expensive designer section - don’t panic. Slowly count to 10, catch your breath, and carefully place one foot in front of the other as you make your way out of the danger zone.
• Spot a price tag that’s clearly out of your range (except maybe if you’re shopping for a car)? No worries, this is a perfect time to use that poker face you’re so good at. But whatever you do, don’t gasp loudly enough for anyone to hear, prompting them to ask, “Are you alright?”
• Smile a lot. Not in a, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe how beautiful it is in here,” kind of way, but more of a, “I’m happy to open my wallet and dump all of its contents directly into your register,” kind of way.
• Make eye contact with the salesclerks and respond nicely when they ask if they can help you. Don’t mumble and stand up straight. Be sweet and charming and people will be drawn to you…big “L” on your forehead notwithstanding:)

~tcb

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